Wednesday, June 14, 2006

He Ain't Guilty, He's My Brother

Ontario's Premeer, Dalty McG finally got fed up last week, when the brotherhood of the longhouse roughed up a couple of newsies and gave some old fellow a coronary.

"Tear down those barricades, my ruddy brothers!" he said," Or this week's round of speeches is off!" And with it the free luncheon.

This stiffening of spine received virtually instant feedback from the Iroquois. "We'll let go a one barricade." Said barricade was removed immediately, by a crew from the Ministry of Transport and Communications.

"Not quite good enough for a round of beef dips", said the Preem. "We want those nasty buggers who roughed-up the citizenry in full view of Ontario's finest, thereby causing them (the cops) embarrassment."

"We don't like them beef dips anyway. Peterson orders them," the Natives replied. "And besides where were the cops when our land was bein' stoled? Eh? And besides the indians that found the camera weren't from our reserve, an we didn't know them anyway. Heck we weren't even lookin, we were getting coffee! And if we did know 'em we wouldn't rat them out. Go screw yerself!"

"We shouldn't even be talkin' to you. We want to talk to the Great Mother of us all. So you can tell Harper to screw off, eh? And get us on a plane to England. We'd like to have that little black girl the Govermint General come with us, eh? She's kinda cute, and she knows how we suffer, eh? Maybe she'll take us to her breasts.... oh, I'm not supposed to say that. We respect wimmin. We don't rat on brothers, or sisters either. And besides we don't know those people on the list."

And so the 'stand-off' at Caledonia continues. The barricade was removed at public expense, the OPP remain on duty at public expense, the politicians continue their negotiations with native leaders - now showing up from every point of the compass - all at public expense. The original barricade, like the original gripe, remain in place - all at public exense. And the natives continue to do whatever it is that natives do, at public expense, as well.

This needs to be sorted out by a judge, preferably without a million dollar hearing. Read the history, look at the documents, decide - let's get 'er done!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

AlaKaboom Kaputt

The saga continues with news to-day that the RCMP were instrumental in the Toronto Jihadis getting 3 tons of fertilizer. Instead of vacuum cleaner salesmen, the boys in blue were probably making out they looked after gardening supplies. A casual question about weed n'feed and hey presto! 3 tonnes of CIL's finest is on the truck to TO.
Why three tonnes you might ask? Well, two reasons mainly, first it would look really good at the press conference - "these guys could do 3 Timothy McVeighs", and second, it's not too easy to move three tons of fertilizer around. They'd need every accomplice to unload the truck and then - comme la chat- pouncez sur lui!! Nab 'em all at one foul swoop!

It raises the question however, would these guys have bought 3 tons of fertilizer if it wasn't for the help of the Mounties? You can make a mess of a lot of small important things with the fertilizer you would buy for your lawn. Supplementary - just how much diesel, or heating, oil do you need to mix with 3 tons of fertilizer? I'd imagine a 100 litres at least, and then how would you move all that to the target? You'd need more police assistance. I think the 'doowrights' were taking a big chance, but then they probably had an idea they were only busting some putzes.

And 'The PM', not to be outdone at a warriors' ceremony in the capital yesterday with the war-chief Gen. Rick Combat, came out with this gem: "As at other times in our history, we are a target because of who we are and how we live, our society, our diversity and our values — values such as freedom, democracy and the rule of law — the values that make Canada great, values that Canadians cherish."

If you delve into his meaning, you will see that our other wars were caused by our adherence to France in the first instance, and since then, to our English connection. Nobody ever started a war with Canadians for our maples, or perch, or Canada geese. They may have envied us, but they were striking at Canada to get at someone else, we were close at hand.

Now his excellence 'the quiet man', would have you believe that the evildoers of the world envy us our multiculturalism, they want to come here to disrupt our good government, they want our cable TV and our poutine. This onslaught has nothing to do with the fact that we're paying Americans to clean up the mess they made in Iraq, or that we have a combat brigade successfully terminating taliban fighters to clean to a mess the Americans made in Afghanistan.

The only 'targetters' we have to keep an eye on are living to the south of us. They have a track record of paranoia in seeing to their own needs first and not being the least bit shy about using their armed forces to get their way. No fear with 'the contollinator' at the helm, however, he seems more than willing to give the Yanks whatever they want. "Want me to squeal like a pig? Suwee, suwee wee." "Lumber, you can have the lumber, we got lots of lumber." "That oil will continue to flow, why, crikey, it's your oil! Just give us a cut of what you're selling it to yourselves for."

Ah, I know the Americans see us as blue-nosed little brothers who live on hockey skates. And that even though we've had our differences before, now our economies are linked and we are trading partners and all. We both talk english and look pretty much the same and a lot of Canadians sign up to fight in the Marines, so we know what 'hoooah' means. The only reason they'd send the 'Guard' up here was if the 'Commies' were taking over the country or the Mexicans had figured a way to sneak in across 'the world's longest unguarded frontier'.

This little escapade should really get our big, fuzzy, southern brothers going!

Saturday, June 03, 2006


The Police forces from just about everywhere gathered this morning in Toronto to announce they had uncovered a massive terrorist plot to do damage there. They had arrested 15 'sorta middle eastern' males with 3 tons of fertilizer and had previously stopped three others returning to Canada with some pistols purchased in the 'Home of the Brave and land of the .45'.

Apparently the plot had been 'surveilled' for the past two years after being dicovered by a couple of school kids who had reported a web site they had come across.

The fifteen are described as Canadian citizens from 18 to 26 years 'who have been here for quite some time'. Some seemed to be wearing Afghan-type white clothing when arrested, others were in prison tyveks. Most seemed to be bearded. Just like your red-blooded Arabic-Canadians - or, at least, none I know.

Apparently these fellows had been training secretly at a 'base north of the city' - the police reported military training with weapons, but no details were given. I wonder just where 15 young guys the the money to rent, or buy, a farm north of Toronto? It would have to be big enough and cheap enough, or isolated enough from neighbours to avoid the noise complaints to local authorities that big booms engender in rural areas. And as we all know you have to go a good bit north before you an find that kind of isolation. Probably north of Parry Sound where they wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb to any Charley Farquarson type who might come across them.

I could see them picking up that three tons of fertilizer from the local Co-op - "Is that for farm use?" - no PS or GS taxes. Just put it on the Abdullah account. Forget about the garden centre or Crappy Tire, they don't carry that much fertilizer, but WalMart might. "3 tons 35-0-0 to the garden centre". Debit? Would you like cash back?

This must have been the trigger mechanism that caused the raid, and where were these terrorists going to bomb? Why, CSIS headquarters of course, right beside the twin jewels of TO - the tower and the stadium. Nefarious bastards! According to CSIS they had been down there taking pictures and casing the joint. Apparently they had gotten wind that CSIS was onto them, maybe because CSIS agents had interviewed some of them!

"Good afternoon Mr. Abdullah, I'm from the Filterqueen Vacuum company. Have you got a few minutes for a demonstration? I'd like to make you a present of this hi-tech tape recorder in return for letting me show you this fine product. To show you its molecular sucking power perhaps you'd have some ammunition or blasting caps or fertilizer we could sprinkle on your rug. Say, is this a real Iraqi carpet? I recognize the 'Tears of the Prophet' pattern. You wouldn't want to sell it?"

Or more directly. "Mr. Abdullah I'm from CSIS, that's the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service, and I'm here to let you know we have your number. Yessir, the jig's up, we know all about your website and your plans that contravene the Criminal Code of Canada. But we don't want you to think that we're targetting you because of your nationality, race or religion - we would target anyone who aspires to wage Jihad in the land of the maple and the beevor. Say, that's a nice carpet ..."

I'm surprised that they were farting around with 3 tons of fertilizer. A couple of bags could have made enough bang to demolish a line of .... oops. Shouldn't say that. That would have affected everybody in Ontario, rather than some secret agents and passers-by in Toronto. That's why I don't think these guys are real, or even smart, terrorists - they certainly haven't been watching TV, or reading papers.

What scares me about this is the smugness of the 'we got 'em gang'. Somebody posted a 'Mounties always get their man' thing this afternoon. Somehow I think those two kids were instrumental in this. The 'terrorists' were quite dumb in assuming they could not be 'bugged', and didn't even tweak to CSIS interviews!

Now I'm sure that a purchase of three tons of a potential explosive would have been monitored. I'm sure that CSIS knew exactly why they were searching the car on its way back from the States. It is really foxy to get the summer student to pull them over for drug search. It was smart to be pretending to search the car while carefully observing the trio for give-away behaviour. They probably knew those guns were on them - after all hadn't the FBI been surveilling them in the States? So it was all that lulling them into a sense of false security that made one of the drop that loaded gun and give agents the reason they needed to search the others and find the guns and ammo on them. That is brave.

What were they going to do with these guys if they hadn't found anything, let them go?

I'm just skeptical enough to think that there might be some real terrorists living here. When they see this 'keystone cops' thing happening, all the hooplah for a bunch of doofi, it just might give them the impression that, if they're careful, they just might be able to pull something off. And this time there may not be two kids to find their web-site.