A Nice Day for a Pink Wedding

The 'Satanic division' of national association of  GLBITWIS and multi-colored' people of the United Sates of America has put the 'whammy' on the homophobic Westboro Baptist "church of what's happening tomorrow, to-day", by rewarding the founder's mother with an eternity of lesbian pleasure in whatever heaven, or hell, she finds herself. In the former the partners will all be tender-hearted twisters who look like  Ellen or Portia. In the latter 'dykes on bykes' with 500 HP pleasurin' machines could only be the upside.

And how did they pull this off? You might ask. Well with a 'pink mass' of course out at the old bint's grave. Using her tombstone as an altar the horny 'master of ceremonies' led a few humble imprecations and supervised the coupling of a couple of pairs of doughty sapphics and nimble mattachinists. Then finished up with a ritual wiping-of-the-dick upon the grave marker.

As a "temple spokesperson" put it - "We believe that Fred Phelps is obligated to believe that his mother is now gay in the afterlife. Further, if beliefs are inviolable rights, nobody has the right to challenge our right to believe that Fred Phelps believes that his mother is now gay."

The group enjoined the gay of all lands to attend upon the gravesite an impart their own warm fuzzies on the new celestial 'den mama'.

Yeppers, Gord is blessing America.

One Other Little Thing

The members of NATO , Canada included, find themselves involved in a 'mission civilitrice' instigated by the last US administration as part of what it claimed was a response to 'world-wide terror'. Canada, along with the US and a couple of other NATO members finds itself involved in the bang-bang end of the mission, the part that entails 'defeating' a Taliban insurgency spurred on by Al Qaeda.

To what end? Well first of all there's a democracy to build, and a democratic government to support. Then there are a people(s) to lift out of ignorance and degradation into a modern world-economy. There are little girls to be educated, clinics and schools to build, cell phones and consumerism and entertainment industries to be developed. There's a pipeline planned to supply the fuel needs of India and Pakistan we're told, but built by the US oil industry. That's a tall (if not totally impossible) order given that the Afghans don't seem to want any of it.

Along with all the civilization there are a couple of problems that are sneaking up.

There's the drug problem for one thing. Not the growing and export of opium and heroin, but the growing number of Afghan addicts. For a country so steeped in the culture of the opium poppy, either one would have thought that the subjugation of a bunch of addicts would have been a walk-over for the forces of cleanliness and decency, or perhaps, like other places, where such 'diversions' are part of the natural landscape, drugs are a part of life and not an escape mechanism. From what we've known drugs were not a big problem in Afghanistan before, but they certainly are now. Our media is replete with regular tales of degradation due to drug use in the Afghan cities. US-style addiction ie 'the street person effect' - idleness, poverty and social dependence are on the up-swing.

Also on the up-swing is the American predilection for 'poontang and dick'. Prostitution and 'slavery' are becoming more prevalent as parts of the 'market' available to those in need of money. As usual, US (to a lesser extent other NATO) service personnel with money and time on their hands are a driving force. Two women were shot last year by the Taliban in Khandahar allegedly for working as prostitutes on the NATO base there.

There is a disturbing story creeping out of Kabul lately about the 'adventures' of US embassy security personnel - for the most part civilian employees of the Armor Group Security firm.


Added to this were other recent reports that these contractor were developing and executing their own 'missions' in the Kabul area - usually involving nighttime forays among uninhabited buildings. You can bet your bippy that, given their 'alternative' discipline and a propensity for high school sophomorics, this gang couldn't be doing much good for Afghans. Add the fact they're armed to the teeth that's probably a gross understatement. What they are, however, in mufti or otherwise, are a gang of six-foot walking targets. One day they'll get it and 'Taliban Massacre' will be all over the papers.



I'd love to know just how many 'cowboys' it takes to get the rest of the herd thinking Brokeback Mountain escapades ain't really bad after all? One? More than one? "Hey I got a idea. Let's drink vodka straight outta the crack in Joe's ass! Joe drop trou! Me first, I like mine salty with a backkick o' doo doo - cause I'm macho man! If the wife or kids at home see it, it all the PTSD's fault."

Bless Me Fadder, for I Yam Good

Guy 'the wunderkind' Giorno and the other fey blades in Canada's Prime Minister's Office are running damage control after Mr. Dopey pocketed the sacred host at a recent Roman Catholic Mass.He may have walked away with the Holy Eucharist but we have only the word of his 'eminences grises' that he actually ate it. I think the resultant smoke and visual puckering would have been an indicator of that event.

We are assured that Premier Daffy had actually attended a Catholic Mass before and really knew what he was doing. Video shot at the scene, shows the sack of spuds take the wafer and relegate it to the palm of his right hand. It makes him look like some sort of simp, or the guy crouched down beside the tombstone and accosted by an early rising passerby, "Morning!" " Nope I'm just taking a dump." It was a funeral Mass.

Also in the news the DuD that's 'newspeek' for the Ministry of Defense is re-announcing the previously announced announcement that they'd be announcing that the Army was getting new panzers. 5 Billion smackeroos - that's more than the Yankees charged for the fleet of gigantic C-17 flying hearses - will be spent of a fleet of LAVs - that's Light Armored Vehicles - which given their size and 'profile' will require a lot of 'up-armoring' if they are every deployed against any forces armed with more than slingshots. Elephantine and top-heavy are an adjectives unwasted on this product of the US 'defense' establishment. But all that's beyond the point, no use discussing this until Flaherty opens the chequebook. And that could take more effort than getting a LAV right-side up again.

Another tidbit is Canada's answer to Ted Baxter newly-minted Minister of Foreign affairs Peter ('I speak news') Kent, advising the legally-elected, but recently overthrown, President of Honduras 'Mel' Zelaya to stay away and save his country for Canadian mining interests. Seems the nasty git had been canceling contracts some Canadian companies had to assist catastrophe-stricken Honduras get rid of some unnecessary natural resources (and avoid future landslides) by digging large holes for them. I wonder if this will net Pete an 'Order of Canada'? If he gets unelected, he could always take a job dealing for Peter Munk.

Last but not least on the righteousness report, is the justifiable backlash against the 400G's in government largesse given to Toronto's alternate sexuality population to 'take 'er out in the street'. Little Minister whomever showed up for a photo-op with the organizing committee. Little did she realize, or maybe she did, that she'd be posing alongside and array of sexual freaks! They pulled out the stops in 'camp'; with a female impersonator, some little Rubenesque 'babydoll', a dwarf and parents of a number of quasi-gendered children. She obviously thought a smile was in order, backed, as they were, by a forest of over-priced "pride banners". Clem and the posse of potentates from out back of the equipment shed at party headquarters (Hind quarters did you say?) in the golden West were not impressed. When she did it again on a lesser scale for 'Brokeback Cowboys' at the Calgary Stampede, she lost her job to Tony 'goggles' Clement.

They probably were more impressed with lesser amounts those free-thinking Progressives slipped into the mattachinists over the last couple of years. Cause they didn't complain about that.