Canada slams the door shut on Iran.

Actually it was more like Canada put a 'fatwa' on Iran. We pulled our embassy staff out early yesterday morning. That was probably a good thing considering Johnny Baird had rinsed his dentures in preparation for announcing the Iranians were welcome to leave Ottawa. No timeline involved since their leaving probably was more of a surprise than ours - at least for the 'good guys'.

But why now? The Iranians, according to Harperment, are now recognized as THE singular threat to the universe - but then they were just as threatening last year, or the year before, or at any time since Ambassador Ken won the 'plum post' on the Potomac by freeing some of the slaves, er , hostages, back in the yellow ribbon days. The National post published a clarification - repeated in the Saturday Star - which outlines what 'they've' been doing to bug 'us' since 1979 5 key Points in Dispute  When you look down the list, the Iranians have done a lot less to us than we've done to them over those 25-odd years. So I'm wondering why this,  and why now.

Harper's off on a jaunt to an APEC meeting in Russia so, although it will have been no surprise, he's bound to get an earful from Putin. Much like the one Putin got in Peking when the world found out the Russian Army was  were 'sticking-up' for the invaded Ossetians and kicking the tar out of gallant little Georgia. I'm pretty sure the Steverino can handle himself when facing down 'Putin's glooms'. Some sources say the Iranians are going to "retaliate" for this, but aside from boycotting 'maple surple' - like a funny 'politicartoon' noted the other day -  or stopping our supply of  'real' pistachios, I don't think they can do much. They aren't even affecting the record high oil prices - as their ex-customers are now buying Saudi.. Oil production in Iran has fallen, and the prices are up, so they have to be hurting too  much to hurt us. Unless as Bigmouth Baird intoned, they've developed an Iranian 5th column already. Maybe the MinDef's newly pregnant 'laydee' is a sleeper cell in 'freedom-fighter' disguise!!!

We're told the resident Iranians in Canada are taking the news like a Turkish-Armenian festival - some are joyful, and others aren't.  The good thing is that, like all the rest of us Canadians who leave our hatreds and animosities outside the door when we come in, they're not fighting their regime change here. Like the rest of us Canucks, some think Harpergovermint is snog-worthy, and others think they're chimps in suits.

Some nasty gits are writing this one off as getting the diplomats to safety before Benny Netanyahoo commits America to another little war. Something near Teheran would have to get bombed to 'take out' those Iranian 'nukuler' sites and well, as we all know airborne 'accidents' have a nasty habit of happening to any Canadians in the vicinity.  Best safe, than repatriating coffins, eh?

So if the balloon goes up will be called upon to stand up for freedom again? I would imagine that we wouldn't be found wanting. We have HMCS Provideur over there in the Gulf supporting a couple of our city-class whatevers as targets for the initial rowboat attacks. We might even have a platoon of the secret JP5 waiting to go 'downtown' on the Revolutionary Guard . But it's virtual cert we won't be putting much up into the air, as the CF18 fleet is pretty-well attritted and Harpergovermint is still waffling on the CF-35. Even if this crisis stimulates them into action, we're well down the customer list for the revolutionary freedom bird. And construction of those 'deliveries' haven't even been started.

So the overall effect? A great big 'ho-hum'. Unless you're one of the three Canadians Harpergovermint hasn't been able to get out of Iranian slammers. We weren't 'talking' to them before, ya know? And we certainly won't be 'talking' to them now, either.  CSIS be getting our 'intel' from the Bulgarians, or somebody who still has an embassy in Teheran, or from the Israelis who 'know all' anyway.

A Codicil: Everybody's looking tres sharp on this one, ladies.
 "Prescient" the Star called Harperino. Getting the diplomats out of Iran's looking like a masterstroke given the attack on the Benghazi consulate and the other embassy demos and burnings.
But what about getting our diplomats out of Libya?

"Well what about it?", asks the Premeer.

Making the Hard Harder

One of the major 'problems' facing the Canadian operation in Afghanistan is bringing five years worth of battle resources back from there. Canada has deployed a tank unit and an artillery unit along with the heavier equipment sent out:  the choppers, LAVs and other vehicles. Add to that the other paraphernalia required for waging modern war and the 'stand down' of Canada's warrior contingent, slated for 2012,  and the time-line involved for a Canadian withdrawal, assumes some notable proportions. Until last week, that was.

Last week a zit that had been in formation for a year or so came to head in the form of a nasty boil that popped, stopping Canadians from using Base Mirage - the military staging area in the UAE. "Wha happen?", as Desi Ricardo used to say.

Well to make a short story, the Canadian Ministry of Transport refused to grant an extension of landing rights to Emirate Airlines, who foolishly thought they might extend their direct flight services to Montreal, Calgary and Vancouver. Air Canada complained to the government that, although they aren't interested in direct flights to Dubai, the Arabs would be 'stealing' some of their custom - mainly the travellers who like to stage into and out of the middle east through a European stopover and change of carrier, or more specifically traveller who have to 'stage out' of Toronto or Montreal after arriving on Emirate.

The Dubaians took this Conservative negativity with some opprobrium and told the Canadians they could close Base Mirage, which had been running since 2001. To make the point clearer, the day they made the announcement, the Emirates also told the CAF flight carrying the CinC and the MofD to find another way home, forcing their flight to divert to Italy. Canadian flights are no longer welcome in Emirati air space. If we're lucky, they won't cancel the two weekly flights they do have flying into Toronto. The DoD has been in the habit of ferrying the honour flights of grieving families out to Kandahar for a photo opportunity on the first class A380 flights run by Emirate. Canadian business types, and government VIPs are also fond of the first-class amenities on the long haul to Dubai. But the fey blades running ther PMO wouldn't know much about that and wouldn't need to ask. Now somebody has arranged to jack the cost of Canada's military un-deployment, possibly sky high.

Talk now is of a withdrawal through the Ukraine or the friendly skies of Russia. Both those will require some high intensity diplomatic activity. There is no reason, given Mr. Harper's  bragadoccio and bombastic defense of North American air space from Russian Bison, that the Russians will want to give him a break on costs. The Ukrainians might, but he hasn't done much for them lately, either. The Georgians should, but in this case they're in the 'useless tit' department. I'm surprised he's not asking for Israeli help. But the Russians probably have a problem with their Ruslans landing there. And that's another story.

I mentioned those tanks? The ex-Dutch Leopard II's that have marked the annals of our recent military history with all their air-conditioned direct fire on Taliban targets? You can bet your bippy they weren't Taliban tanks, probably not even taxis or motorscooters, either. More in the nature of those notorious Taliban 'compounds' needing a new doorway, or the even more ubiquitous Taliban mountains. As a matter of fact, there has been precious little press on the exploits of the armored, so I'd bet they've been laid-up around Base Kandahar with come nifty paint jobs for the photo ops. But I digress. Those tanks required the use of Ruslans to get them out there. As did some of the same kind of helicopters we deployed to help the Myanmar floods a couple of years back. They wouldn't fit into a CF-17. Given that this process will be more rushed than the deployment, more Ruslans will have to be rented.

It would be interesting to see what the Ruslan rentals have cost us since we got our 4 heavy lifters. I'm sure the latter will be of some use for something, unless they're tasked to ferrying Mounties into Haiti.

It's a good thing that Canadians have full confidence in their Conservative govermint, for running a war on terror and for tough negotiations over airports and landing rights. They can make us look a lot more stupid than we actually are, but we know the Liberals could be, and the socialists would be, worse. Maybe they'll change their stupid minds this time.

Bless Me Fadder, for I Yam Good

Guy 'the wunderkind' Giorno and the other fey blades in Canada's Prime Minister's Office are running damage control after Mr. Dopey pocketed the sacred host at a recent Roman Catholic Mass.He may have walked away with the Holy Eucharist but we have only the word of his 'eminences grises' that he actually ate it. I think the resultant smoke and visual puckering would have been an indicator of that event.

We are assured that Premier Daffy had actually attended a Catholic Mass before and really knew what he was doing. Video shot at the scene, shows the sack of spuds take the wafer and relegate it to the palm of his right hand. It makes him look like some sort of simp, or the guy crouched down beside the tombstone and accosted by an early rising passerby, "Morning!" " Nope I'm just taking a dump." It was a funeral Mass.

Also in the news the DuD that's 'newspeek' for the Ministry of Defense is re-announcing the previously announced announcement that they'd be announcing that the Army was getting new panzers. 5 Billion smackeroos - that's more than the Yankees charged for the fleet of gigantic C-17 flying hearses - will be spent of a fleet of LAVs - that's Light Armored Vehicles - which given their size and 'profile' will require a lot of 'up-armoring' if they are every deployed against any forces armed with more than slingshots. Elephantine and top-heavy are an adjectives unwasted on this product of the US 'defense' establishment. But all that's beyond the point, no use discussing this until Flaherty opens the chequebook. And that could take more effort than getting a LAV right-side up again.

Another tidbit is Canada's answer to Ted Baxter newly-minted Minister of Foreign affairs Peter ('I speak news') Kent, advising the legally-elected, but recently overthrown, President of Honduras 'Mel' Zelaya to stay away and save his country for Canadian mining interests. Seems the nasty git had been canceling contracts some Canadian companies had to assist catastrophe-stricken Honduras get rid of some unnecessary natural resources (and avoid future landslides) by digging large holes for them. I wonder if this will net Pete an 'Order of Canada'? If he gets unelected, he could always take a job dealing for Peter Munk.

Last but not least on the righteousness report, is the justifiable backlash against the 400G's in government largesse given to Toronto's alternate sexuality population to 'take 'er out in the street'. Little Minister whomever showed up for a photo-op with the organizing committee. Little did she realize, or maybe she did, that she'd be posing alongside and array of sexual freaks! They pulled out the stops in 'camp'; with a female impersonator, some little Rubenesque 'babydoll', a dwarf and parents of a number of quasi-gendered children. She obviously thought a smile was in order, backed, as they were, by a forest of over-priced "pride banners". Clem and the posse of potentates from out back of the equipment shed at party headquarters (Hind quarters did you say?) in the golden West were not impressed. When she did it again on a lesser scale for 'Brokeback Cowboys' at the Calgary Stampede, she lost her job to Tony 'goggles' Clement.

They probably were more impressed with lesser amounts those free-thinking Progressives slipped into the mattachinists over the last couple of years. Cause they didn't complain about that.

"Cry Me a River"

'Lyin' Brian' is on stage, again, defending his 'honour' from the swine with whom he once laid down. The 'guy from Baie Comeau', although he might have had some deep concerns about the financial equity of his family as he stepped from the political stage into a sinecure that would have delighted most other guys from Baie Comeau, is trying to explain the 'honest' reasoning that led him to accept packets of cash from a German arms pedlar. It must have been the thought of baby Alexander, a mere decade along his path and facing the possible prospect of never owning his own new Porsche, that made 'Daddums' suck on a molar and take that filthy lucre.

Not only was that distasteful, but the solon of our time had the perspecacity to sock it away in a safety deposit box lest he have to consider it as 'income',and report it for tax purposes. It's never income until you're going to spend it (r-i-i-ight) and RevCan allows a window while some favored folk can make up their mind. He tells us he eventually did come clean, when the first attempted besmirching wised him to a possible comeuppance. Of course, being as since nobody asked him about packets of money, he never thought to mention them, even though he went right out afterward and turned them into taxable income.

For somebody as wise as them lawyer guys, Mulroney speaketh the shits. And not particularly well.

But failing the bullshit there are always Irish tears. Not any sincere kind, the ones that generally appear at the bottom of a grog bottle, or when the heartstrings are plucked by maudlin sentimentality, or when you're caught with a naughty bit in the babysitter. And so the thought of overfed newsies sniggering while the 'Leader' spoke of the devastation faced by little Alexander having his Daddy called a crook, moved the great one to shed a tear - a sniffle, a stifled sob, a subdued 'merci' before he had to bawl out loud. As Pat Corrigan's cartoon in the Star, below, depicts.



This particular scene of the comedy may once again play out in the favour of Mr.Mulroney, but taken as a whole this particular farce is actually a tragedy. Not for Mulroney, according to himself - for once again he sees 'vindication' in a failure to convict. In that heart of hearts, however, the one he might once have had of a confessional Saturday and the one he's going to need again in the none too distant future, he knows human law to be the ass it was once described to be. There is another - and there may be tears then, too, only too late.

They Didn't Buy It!

The malignant dwarf's budget, if that's what it can be called, was surprisingly, and maliciously attacked by those who would see this great nation held in thrall to the political machine and big unions. Just because the latter-day 'robin-ette' wanted to take back public funds that were wasted on political parties in order to save the taxpayer the expense of electing the bastiges, and make those civvy servants keep their noses to the grindstone, the lily libs and Quebec firsters banded together to thwart the 'peoples' choice'. (Same day they appealed to their public supporters to pony-up $200 each. You won't see these guardians of the public purse cut back on tax deductibility of political donations, or even make them equal to charitable donations. I guess it's "important" to have that part of the process funded by the rest of the public.)



Actually what has happened is that the Ontario wing, who must know where Steve Harper keeps his dirty undies, have managed to get themselves into a position where they can dictate policy. Figuring that Harris got away with the same crap in Ontario, and trusting in the innate nastiness of the Canadian people when there's an opportunity to bone anybody in a lower tax bracket who can be targetted, they've gone-off prematurely. Most people in Canada are starting to wonder if the age of free-range business is paying-off like the trickle-down folk said it would. They've been caught in an untenable position and the enemy have united into a solid-looking front with the objective of cold-cocking the Conservatives.

Guy Giorno, and that office full of fey fellows who've done nothing useful so far in their lives but pull each others ding-dongs and run the levers of power, are scrambling for an 'out'. Steve Harper has one, it's called bone the backroom boys. But that would cause rancour and dissension in the ranks, and that's not supposed to happen. After all those coordinated group genuflections have been practised so long. So, for now, the PC's are toughing it out. They've started moaning and blaming the bad old incompetent Libs for going against the 'will of the people' (dentifrice Blair's take). They won't compromise, or commit to any sort of a plan for the economy (they don't have a plan for the economy) but they say they aren't being allowed to govern. That's what happens when you don't get a mandate from the majority. Actually the 'majority' of Canadians will be far better represented under 'Cerberus', than under the business-friendly PCs, - after all the majority voted for them.

The Liberals are a concern. Already the PC 'plants' in that group have called on Dion to step aside for a new leader - saying Canadians rejected him. I don't know if that's the case so much as they preferred the local PC candidate. We know he doesn't speak well, but he's brighter than some folk around the Prime Minister. Waiting in the wings for a 'promised' leadership convention in 3 months, are the heirs apparent - the wolf, the lamb and the non-entity. I would hope that if he does succeed, Dion would give the job a chance before he gives it up. A deal-breaker might just drive some potential Liberal 'leaders' back to the philosophies from which they came - and that, in my estimation, would be a good thing. If there's anything undemocratic it would be the Liberal caucus picking the next Prime Minister without an national leadership test beyond the conventional peter-pull.

Announced to-day was the possibility of a parliamentary ' break' to allow the PCs to run a damage control program before the face-off in parliament. How long that break would be remains to be seen. An early Christmas adjournment would have Orders in Council running the shop until mid-winter. By that time, the lack of an anti-depression package might well, of necessity, have been addressed. Goes to show that Steven Harper knows how to play tricks. But then we knew that, and let him off with it once.

It might be the best move to let 'Cerberus' reign, but whoever is in the catbird's seat is going to get a sore bum from the economy. I'd like this to be Mr. Smooth, he and his neocon pals deserve it. There are few pols on the scene who'll walk away from an economic collapse with their mandate intact. Steve deserves that.

What a Cast of Characters